A question. Why are people afraid of being different? Why do people cower in the fear of stepping out of line? Why do people feel the need to do every single thing that society tells them? What is it about judgement that makes it so scary? Why do we refuse to do what makes us happy because of tension, judgements, or other people? Why do we refuse to do what makes us happy?
I'm not even joking with you. This is all serious stuff that's been on my mind for weeks now, but finally has come to a boiling point. Now that I have somewhat successfully completed almost a month of college, I feel comfortable sharing that this past summer I seriously considered not going to college at all. If you know me, this probably seems extremely out of character for me, but even I was shocked. I had never considered an alternative to college, mostly because I figured the only thing you could do in life was go to school, college, get a job, have a family, retire, and die. Why? Because that's exactly what society sticks in your brain from a young age.
So in late July, I had some sort of epiphany. I can't even explain it myself because it was so out of the blue. For some reason the idea of freedom was all that was on my mind. I realized for the first time that I was actually 18 years old, and have been for 3/4 of a year. I'm an adult. I can make my own decisions. But I can't. Even in college, you're not completely free. Someone still cooks your meals, pays your bills, etc. And for a second, actually more like weeks, I thought, "What if I didn't do that?" The idea was intriguing. I had never considered a life outside of more education.
I pitched the idea to my parents, and they were scared. They told me that I was an adult and they would support my decision, even if they didn't necessarily advise it. And I almost did it. I almost freaking did it!
But once again, society got me. I knew that if I didn't go to college, I would spend the rest of my life kicking myself because all of my friends would have these fancy degrees and I wouldn't. But why? Why does humanity fear the unknown? Why are we wired to overthink every little thing that goes through our complicated brains? As long as it's safe, why do we refuse to do what makes us happy?! That is the most frustrating question in the world.
So here I am, almost a month into college and do I regret my decision of going to college? Yeah, there's times when I actually do. There's times where my brain reminds me that I could be doing something that would make me a million times happier than sitting on a campus 24/7 for weeks straight, forgetting that there's an outside world. Isn't it funny that the place that's supposed to prepare us the most for the outside world is nothing like it?
So then I ask myself what the hell I'm doing here. As I sit in my dorm on a Wednesday afternoon, a pile of homework sitting next to me, with the most beautiful weather outside, I question literally everything. What am I doing with my life? Why does everyone think that this experience is so much better than I do?
Because whether society or my parents or my neighbors or friends or my Twitter followers want to believe it or not, some things are not for everyone. College is one of those things. Just like skiing or drugs.
Am I going to drop out of college? No, there's probably no turning back now. Am I going to fall in love with it? Who knows? If I had to answer right now I would probably tell you no. And that's okay. Not everyone loves everything. But here's my advice to anyone considering their own happiness: don't you dare care what anyone thinks, whether it be your race, sexuality, gender, thoughts, or anything; you do what makes you safe and happy. Happiness is the most valuable thing in life. So as I continue my own quest for happiness (wherever that may take me) and despair seems to keep slipping in, I ask a question; why do I refuse to do what makes me happy? The journey to find it is just beginning.
"Life's for the living, or you're better off dead." -Passenger, "Life's For the Living"
So I ask you, What would make you happy? What are your goals in life? What is your game plan to achieve those goals and happiness? You're right, happiness is important and life is short. Regardless of what your goals are in life, sometimes you have to wade through the stuff you don't particularly enjoy to achieve the desired outcome. Regardless of your decision, we love you and are behind you 100%. While you are making some difficult decisions right now, I challenge you to find one person over the age of 30, who you respect and would love to emulate who is happy and hasn't had to endure some difficult times to get to where they are today. Remind yourself that the difficulties you're facing will only serve to reap greater rewards. The quote "Nothing worth having comes easy" can apply to all aspects of life, from your job to relationships. Anything worth having takes effort, so don't get discouraged when you're facing an uphill battle. XOXOX
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